Funerals should be formal, somber events

Traditional UK funerals do often have a formal tone, but this is far from a strict requirement. It’s natural that, given the circumstances, the day has a somber undertone, but increasingly, people opt for celebrations of life, which are more personal and uplifting.

The focus now is more on honouring the individual in a way that reflects their character, which is especially important for those who opt for a direct cremation – the money saved from not having attendees at the crematorium often means more to put towards a celebration of life.

You Have to Wear Black

Black remains the traditional colour for mourning in the UK, but it is not mandatory. Dark colours are generally considered more appropriate, though some families request specific colours or brighter attire to better reflect the personality of their loved one.

Over the last couple of decades this has become a more popular adaptation of a funeral, with avid sports fans or those with a charity close to their hearts, adorning a funeral cortege route, church or crematorium with their favourite colours.

Children Shouldn’t Attend Funerals

While some believe funerals may be too emotional for children, attending can help them understand and process loss. Preparing children for what to expect and supporting them throughout the service is essential. There is no reason why children shouldn’t be given the same opportunity as the rest of us to say their goodbyes.

It Can Be Rude to Laugh or Share Lighthearted Memories

Sharing joyful or silly memories can be an important part of the grieving process. Celebrating the life of the deceased through lighthearted stories can offer comfort and help guests connect.

We are uniquely bonded by loving memories, and it’s important we continue to talk about the departed to ensure that their legacy lives on.

You Must Send Flowers

While flowers are a traditional gesture of sympathy, they are not the only option. Many families appreciate charitable donations, personal notes, or acts of kindness in memory of their loved one. Filling up the freezer or offering to collect the children from school can alleviate some of the burden on families left behind, and these gestures that help take away some of the ‘life admin’ when someone is carrying extra emotional weight, has an enormous impact.

It will also depend on the specific community or culture that the deceased is from – in some parts of the UK, providing flowers at a funeral is considered a core part of the process, whereas in others it’s not considered as much of a tradition.

Only Family Members Can Speak at the Service

Eulogies are not limited to family members only. Friends, colleagues, and community members often share tributes. If you wish to speak at a service, it is best to seek permission from the family or officiant in advance, but ultimately, some friends are family and some family are friends.

Allowing those from a wide range of backgrounds can help make a tribute even more touching, with colleagues, old school friends or acquaintances sharing their own unique experiences with the deceased. It can be quite eye-opening for other friends and family to see just how much of an impact their loved one had on those around them.

Whether planning a service or attending one, approaching the occasion with empathy and respect is key. Traditions may evolve, but honouring a life and supporting those left behind remains the central purpose. This might mean taking a traditional approach to attire, conversation and gratuities, or it might mean you’re involved in a more colourful, vibrant affair.

Remember, no question is ever a silly one—be sure to look at our other useful guides and advice for help on understanding the complexities of the funeral world.