Losing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences in life. And everyone will react to this experience in different ways. There is no right or wrong way to cope with losing a loved one. No matter which emotions you do or do not feel they are perfectly valid, even if they seem to be different from the way that others are coping with the loss.

Our reactions to death are also shaped by other factors such as our age, health, family circumstances, personality, religious and cultural beliefs.

Some of the most common emotions you may experience after losing a loved one are:

• Numbness – Death is always a shock, even if it has been expected, and a feeling of numbness can be a natural reaction to help you emotionally survive the immediate aftermath of a death.

• Disbelief – Loss takes a while to sink in, and during this time it will feel very unreal that your loved one is no longer with you. Death defies human logic, and there are likely to be moments when you question whether they have really gone. There may even be occasions when you temporarily forget your loved one has died, until everything comes flooding back again.

• Emotional pain – Emotional pain after the loss of a loved one is hard to describe but can be completely overwhelming, to the point where you feel almost unable to function. Try to allow yourself the time and space to experience and process these feelings rather than trying to suppress them.

• Longing – You are likely to experience waves of sadness and the strong desire to have your loved one back with you again, even just for a few moments. This is completely natural and it’s important to acknowledge this longing and let yourself feel it, rather than always trying to suppress it.

• Anger – Anger at the person who has died is also a natural part of the grieving process, but one that can be very uncomfortable to acknowledge. It may be anger at the person having abandoned you, even though you know this is irrational. There may also be anger and a sense of injustice about any difficult circumstances or unresolved situations that you now have to deal with on your own.

• Loneliness – Losing a loved one can make you feel very lonely. Not only have you lost the companionship of someone very close to you, but the process of death itself feels like navigating a strange new landscape. All these experiences can leave you feeling very isolated from everyday life and from others, even when surrounded by well-meaning family and friends.

• Despair – Losing a loved one can bring a sense of complete hopelessness. It feels like nothing will ever be good ever again, and that there is now no escape from the darkness you are feeling. Whilst the rawness of these feelings will usually soften with time, don’t be afraid of letting yourself experience them rather than trying to pretend they are not there.

• Relief – Death can sometimes come as something of a relief if your loved one had been very ill or in pain. Whilst of course you would much prefer that they were still with you and were fit and well, it is ok to feel relief that their suffering has now ended. It does not mean you don’t really care or that you loved them any less.

• Guilt – When you lose a loved one you may experience a tremendous sense of guilt that you are still alive but your loved one isn’t. In particular you may feel guilty as you start to enjoy aspects of life again, without them. It is also very common to dwell on their final days and weeks and keep asking yourself if you could have done anything differently that may have changed things. This is perfectly normal but achieves nothing and will gradually pass.

• Fear of the future – The loss of a loved one can have a life-changing impact in various ways. This may bring a fear of the future. You may be worried about being alone, about not having emotional support any more, or perhaps about practical or financial issues.

Whether or not you feel some of the above, it is important at this time of loss to be kind to yourself and look after your own needs, whatever they may be. A few things to do that may help you through it are:

• Eat and drink well – You may not feel like eating for a while, but it’s important that your body gets the nourishment it needs to help you cope with grief. Even if you can’t face the thought of large meals, try to have something nutritious little and often, to keep your strength up. It’s even more important to keep yourself hydrated during a period of strong emotions and instability – remind yourself regularly that you need to keep yourself fit and healthy.

• Rest and relax – It may be difficult to sleep, and when you do there may be strange dreams that unsettle you. So try to rest and relax at other times in whatever way works for you. Whether that’s having a short nap, curling up on the sofa with a book or film, soaking in the bath, or perhaps getting some fresh air and gentle exercise, be kind to yourself.

• Seek help – Losing a loved one is a time in your life when you will definitely need help from others. Whether it’s practical help from family or friends, or professional help with funeral, legal or financial matters, you need to seek help to get through this time. You can find out more about some fantastic organisations and the support they can offer, in our guide on navigating life after loss. Remember, you are not alone.

• Accept help – As well as seeking the help you need, don’t be reluctant to accept any kind of help when it is offered. It may be someone cooking meals for you, shopping, walking your dog, cleaning your home. Be prepared to say yes to all offers of help, even if you feel a bit uncomfortable doing so. This will help to build a strong support network around you that you will continue to need for the foreseeable future.

• Relive the memories – Often when a person dies, it seems as if everyone is afraid to mention their name in case it upsets you. It can begin to feel as if the person never existed. But reliving happy memories is an important and positive way of coming to terms with grief. So make it clear that you would like to talk about them and keep their memory alive. Also take time to enjoy mementos, such as photographs and letters, that can bring back to life your time together.

Last but not least, give yourself as much time as you need to come to terms with the loss of your loved one. Again, there is no right or wrong here. In one sense, they will always be part of your life with no time limits, and something seemingly insignificant may trigger a fresh wave of grief in many years to come. Yet in other ways, you will gradually adjust to life without their physical presence and learn to accept the new normal.

Above all, accept yourself and be kind to yourself. Allow yourself time and space to grieve your loss in the ways that are right for you and that will help you cope best with losing your loved one.