Informing Family and Friends About the Death of a Loved One

Although we may work in the sector, that does not mean that we are impervious to the painful realities of losing a loved one and the heavy task of sharing the tragic news with others. Inspired by a recent personal experience of our very own CEO, Charles Rogers, here he offers a compassionate guide to help navigate this difficult responsibility.

Understanding the Impact

Foreword from Charles: When my wife and I woke up this morning, we received a text message that my wife’s sister had passed away during the night. She had bravely battled multiple sclerosis for 30 years, so while her death was not entirely unexpected, the finality of that message struck us deeply. The blend of grief, shock, and relief that a long struggle has ended can be a complex emotional mix. 

To that end Charles wanted to create this guide for others, meant to offer some structure to those facing this challenging moment, in the hope it would aid them through the difficult process of informing family and friends of a recent loss. 

1. Consider the Timing and Method

• Immediate Family First: Begin by informing those closest to the deceased, such as spouses, children, parents, and siblings. This can be done in person or via a phone call, as these relationships are often the most deeply affected.
• Personal vs. Practical: Consider the nature of your relationship with each person. Close family and lifelong friends deserve a more personal touch, while more distant connections may be informed through email or text if necessary.
• Group Messages: In some cases, it may be appropriate to use group messages to reach extended family members or community groups, but always follow up personally with those closest to the deceased.

2. Choose Your Words Carefully

• Be Direct but Gentle: Use clear and compassionate language, like, “I have some very sad news to share. [Name] passed away last night.”
• Acknowledge Their Grief: Consider adding a line that acknowledges the loss they may feel, such as, “I know how much they meant to you.”
• Share a Memory or Positive Note: If appropriate, share a brief, comforting memory or mention the peace their passing may bring after a long illness.

3. Use Technology Thoughtfully

• Text Messages: These can be practical for quick updates but may feel impersonal for close family. For those you can’t reach immediately, a heartfelt text followed by a phone call can be a good balance.
• Social Media: Be mindful of timing before making any public announcements, ensuring close family members have been informed first.
• Video Calls Across Distance: When family members live abroad, as with my daughter in Australia, video calls via WhatsApp or Facebook can provide a more personal and supportive way to break the news. Though there’s still a painful physical distance, seeing each other’s faces can offer a small sense of connection in a moment that feels profoundly isolating.

4. Recognising and Respecting Emotional Responses

• Grief can manifest in many ways—shock, sadness, anger, numbness, or even guilt. My daughter was very upset and sad, but being so far away left her feeling helpless and detached from the grieving process. I couldn’t fully understand all of what she was feeling, and as a father, I felt helpless too—unable to comfort or protect her in a way I normally would. That sense of uselessness is difficult to carry, especially when all you want is to take away your child’s pain.
• It’s important to acknowledge that these emotions are natural. There is no “right” reaction to grief, especially when compounded by geographical separation. Offering a listening ear, your presence—even virtually—and your love is often the best comfort you can provide.

4. Provide Space for Grief and Support

• Invite Connection: Offer your support by inviting them to reach out if they need to talk or share memories.
• Be Prepared for Varied Reactions: People respond differently to loss. Some may need immediate support, while others may process the news privately.

5. Follow Up

• Check In: As the days and weeks pass, check in with those who were closest to the deceased. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and ongoing support can be deeply meaningful.

Informing others about a loved one’s passing is never easy, but approaching it with compassion, clarity, and thoughtfulness can help ease this difficult task. Remember to care for yourself as well during this time, leaning on others when you need it.

If you’re reaching across borders to support family, know that your effort—even if it feels small—can make a big difference in the heart of someone grieving far away.

If you are in this position today, please know that you are not alone, and your strength in sharing this news is a vital part of the grieving process.