All feelings are valid

In this guide, we look at these seven stages, helping you understand your feelings and prepare for them. Remember, no two people will experience grief in the same way. Your experience is unique, and all of your feelings are valid and part of a natural grieving process.

1. Shock and Denial

• What to Expect: This initial stage often feels surreal. You may find yourself numb, unable to process the reality of the loss. Denial serves as a protective mechanism, helping to cushion the overwhelming pain. When faced with the loss of a loved one, you can often find yourself lost when their presence is suddenly absent.
• How to Cope: Allow yourself time to absorb the news gradually. Don’t pressure yourself to “feel” a certain way, or move forward emotionally at a certain pace. Only you will know when you’ve moved through this initial stage of grief.

• UK Resources:
  • Cruse Bereavement Support offers immediate helpline support and practical advice.

2. Pain and Guilt

• What to Expect: As the shock wears off, the pain of loss can feel intense. Guilt often accompanies this stage, such as regrets over things left unsaid or undone. This is the first point that you may feel a sense of hopelessness, wondering how you could possibly get through the pain.
• How to Cope: Express your feelings through journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking counselling. Remind yourself that guilt is a natural part of grief, not a reflection of reality.
• UK Resources:
  • If you find the pain is too much, you can always contact the incredible team at The Samaritans (116 123) for a confidential, listening ear 24/7.

3. Anger and Bargaining

• What to Expect: Anger may emerge, directed at yourself, others, or even at the deceased for “leaving you.” It can feel overwhelming at times, as well as making you feel like you’re losing control from the strength of feeling you’re experiencing. Bargaining often involves internal pleas to reverse or change what has happened in the hope that there can be a return to ‘normality’.
• How to Cope: Channel anger constructively through physical activity or creative outlets. Bargaining thoughts are a way for your mind to regain a sense of control—acknowledge them, but don’t dwell if you can avoid it.
• UK Resources:
  • Look into local grief support groups on the NHS Bereavement Support Page.

4. Depression and Loneliness

• What to Expect: This stage may feel like a deep sadness or emptiness as the permanence of the loss sets in. You might withdraw from others or lose interest in daily activities. Many in this stage describe feeling as though there’s a hole, or a void, that they struggle to fill.
• How to Cope: Prioritise small, manageable steps, such as preparing a meal or taking a short walk. Consider reaching out for professional help if sadness feels overwhelming – there’s no shame in speaking with others about your experience and sharing your emotional burden.
• UK Resources:
  • Mind offers resources for grief-related depression, including local counselling options.

5. The Upward Turn

• What to Expect: Gradually, the intensity of pain lessens. Moments of peace or small joys may return, signalling the start of emotional healing. It doesn’t mean that the pain you still feel isn’t valid or remains strong at times, but there’s positive signs that the healing process has begun.
• How to Cope: Embrace these positive moments without guilt—they are part of the healing process. Continue self-care practices.
• UK Resources:
  • Marie Curie provides workshops and support groups to help you regain balance during this stage.

6. Reconstruction and Working Through

• What to Expect: As your emotional state stabilises, you may begin to reframe your life around the loss. Practical tasks, such as managing finances or belongings of the deceased, take priority. This period can be heavy in an administrative sense, as you start to work through your loved one’s bank accounts and manage the processing of their estate.
• How to Cope: Break down responsibilities into small steps, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed. There are lots of fantastic resources available for working through the administration following a death, including At A Loss, linked below.
• UK Resources:
  • At A Loss offers guidance on practical matters related to loss.

7. Acceptance and Hope

• What to Expect: Acceptance doesn’t mean “getting over” the loss but rather learning to live with it. You begin to find a way to cherish memories while re-engaging with life, and processing the final stage of grief is a reminder that you’ve dealt with some difficult days and done a great job of coping.
• How to Cope: Celebrate progress and honour your loved one in meaningful ways, such as planting a tree or participating in charity events.
• UK Resources:
  • Consider grief retreats or memorial events offered by organisations like The Good Grief Trust.

Conclusion

Grief is neither simple nor predictable—you may revisit stages or experience them in a different order, but don’t feel disheartened if this happens. Be kind to yourself and recognise that healing takes time. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to connect with one of the many compassionate organisations in the UK.

You can also read through some of our other helpful guides including Coping with the Loss of a Partner, Navigating Life After Loss and How to Close a Bank Account Following a Death.