It can make things even worse if you don’t know your partner’s wishes for what happens next. For example, would they want to be buried or cremated? If they are to be cremated, what should you do with their ashes? And would they want an attended funeral or a separate celebration of life?
In this article we look at five steps to take when the time comes to say goodbye to your partner.
Check if your partner has left any instructions regarding their death
Death is one of the few certainties of life, but is still something that many of us feel uncomfortable talking about. So it is quite possible that you don’t know your partner’s wishes for after their death. But before you make any decisions, it is well worth checking whether they have, in fact, left any instructions for you.
For example, check if they have any of the following:
- A pre-paid funeral plan;
- A will;
- Written letters or notes;
- Advance decisions left with a solicitor or family.
Be aware that under UK law, funeral wishes in any of the above are not legally binding. However, any kind of funeral plan or written directives do carry an amount of moral weight, and could also help you to make the best decision for how to proceed.
Reflect on your future preferences for your own death
As part of your decision-making process as to your partner’s funeral arrangements, it is important to reflect on your own future preferences. For example, would you prefer to be buried or cremated? And if you want to be buried, would you want to be buried alongside your partner?
Whilst it may seem that factoring in your own wishes can make things doubly difficult, it is important to think things through now, rather than regret not doing so in future. And, whatever you want to achieve you should be able to find a funeral director to make things happen the way you want them to.
For example, if you would ideally like you and your partner to be buried together in a particular cemetery, and your partner has indicated that burial is also an option for them, your funeral director can investigate obtaining a double plot for you.
If you want to be buried but your partner had expressed a preference to be cremated, it may be possible to arrange either for their ashes to be buried in a full grave plot, or for you to obtain a companion plot that could house an urn and coffin together.
The key thing is to decide what you would want for both of you, and to take into account your deceased partner’s wishes too.
And once you get past your partner’s cremation or burial, it would be a good time to ensure that your own wishes are documented for whoever will need to handle that for you in future. This could involve:
- Recording your preferences in writing
- Talking to family and executors
- Pre-purchasing a burial plot
- Updating your will
- Taking out a funeral plan that will clarify the arrangements you want.
To find out more about funeral plans, take a look at our guide How Does a Prepaid Funeral Plan Work?
Consider the kind of life celebration your partner would want
As well as the issue of deciding between burial and a cremation, you also need to consider whether or not to have an attended funeral. An attended funeral is a ceremony at which the coffin is present, and combines a celebration of the individual’s life with saying farewell to their body. The alternative would be to have a direct cremation, where the body is privately cremated soon after death, leaving you then with time and leeway to arrange a separate celebration of life.
Funerals With Grace have prepared a few guides to help you through these difficult decisions:
Create a lasting memorial to your partner
Whatever type of funeral decisions you make, you may also want to create some kind of lasting memorial to your partner. Something that will exist long after the funeral has taken place, and will be a constant reminder of the life you shared.
There are so many ways that you can do this, including living tributes such as a tree or garden, memorials benches or plaques, jewellery or other items created from their ashes. You may also want to scatter their ashes in a place that was special to both of you.
For further ideas and guidance on ways to remember a loved one, check out our Guides and Funeral Advice section.
Find the best funeral director to help you bring it all together
As we have seen there are many options available for different types of funerals and memorials. The most important thing is to find the options that feel right for you and which reflect your partner’s personality and the life you had together.
One of the best things you can do is to find a compassionate and understanding funeral director who will help you to make the best decisions for you. Funerals with Grace are here to help you at this difficult time. Our mission is to provide a professional, compassionate and trusted service with absolute care and grace, so that we can empower grieving families to celebrate life their way. We hope that we can do this for you, and make this time of saying goodbye to your partner as special as they deserve.
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